Still a better love story than Twilight
by Ri2
Summary: In which each of the biggest pairings of Trollhunters come to a horrifying realization about their relationships.
1. Barbara and Strickler

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

Everything happened so quickly, it took a minute for Barbara Lake to get her bearings. One minute, they had been in the museum, surrounded by hostile Gumm-Gumms (which she'd been assured was a much more threatening name in the trollish tongue), and then Walt had held her close, and then they'd rushed towards the ceiling, and now they… They were…

"Walt!" Barbara cried in amazement, looking down to see her hometown of Arcadia Oaks spread out beneath the cloud cover underneath her. "We're flying!"

"Indeed we are," the Changeling known as Strickler said, the two wings on his back flapping mightily to keep both of them airborne.

"You can fly!"

"All my life, yes."

"Why didn't you tell me you could fly?!" Barbara demanded.

"It never came up," Strickler said with a shrug.

"I mean, is there anything else you're hiding from me?!" Barbara demanded, a little giddy.

"Indubitably, yes," Strickler admitted. "I am a Changeling, after all. We can deal with that later, though. We must away before they catch up with us. Don't worry, Barbara. You're safe with me."

And despite everything, Barbara believed him. Yes, he'd cast some freaky magics to bind their fates together, started a relationship with her under false pretenses, lied to her for months, and tried to kill her son on multiple occasions… And yet, in spite of all that, she trusted Strickler. Despite everything, she knew without a doubt that he would never let her fall.

As she gazed up at him, his face silhouetted against the moon, Barbara realized, for the first time, that he really wasn't all that monstrous and inhuman. For all his trollish features, his horns and fangs and stony skin, there was a strange nobility to his visage, like a statue of one of the Greek gods he had been able to exposit on so well during their time together come to life.

He glanced down at her, their eyes meeting. Slowly, without conscious thought, they started leaning towards each other…

And suddenly, when their lips were millimeters away from touching, Barbara's eyes shot open. "Walt," she whispered, voice thick with terror. "Are… Are we the protagonists of a cheesy supernatural romance?"

Strickler recoiled, a horrified and disgusted look on his face. "What?! No! Pale Lady in the Underworld, no! If anything, we are secondary characters in your son's Young Adult Coming of Age Heroic Fantasy Adventure!"

Barbara sighed in relief, pressing herself closer to the Changeling's chest, not even thinking for a moment about how comfortable she felt in his arms. "Oh, thank goodness.…" She stiffened, another horrible thought occurring to her. "Wait… Wait, does that mean I'm going to die?! Parents are always getting killed off or completely forgotten about in those!"

"I swear to you, I shall do my best to keep that from coming to pass," Strickler promised her. "If anything, it's Blinkous or myself who are in greater danger. We are the boy's mentors, after all."

Barbara gave him a concerned look. "Oh yeah, those kinds of characters usually don't make it to the end, do they?"

"It is an outcome I've long since come to accept as possible," Strickler said wearily.

"Oh, Walt," Barbara said empathetically, cupping his cheek in her hand. "We're not going to let that happen."

He smiled faintly at her, clearly not believing it.

And then another thought occurred to her. Strickler was tall, dark, and handsome, had lived for centuries, was only able to use his true power under the cover of darkness, could fly and often wore a cloak…

"Walt," she blurted out before she could stop herself. "Are you a vampire?"

Strickler gave her confused look. "What? No, Barbara, I'm a Changeling."

"Well, yes, but I mean, are like, vampires inspired by your kind, or…" Barbara questioned.

Strickler shook his head. "No, no, it's not like that. There's no such thing as vampires."

"Oh," Barbara said, not sure how she felt about that.

"We got rid of them ages ago. Didn't need the competition."

"Right… Wait, what-"

And that was when they were attacked by Stalklings, and they never got the chance to properly finish the conversation.


	2. Jim and Claire

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

"I just… I just don't understand," Jim whispered, unable to meet Claire's eyes.

The young woman reached up to cup his chin and point his head towards her, marveling, not for the first time, just how much taller her boyfriend was now that he'd been transformed into a half-troll hybrid. "Understand what, Jim?"

"How can you… How can you still want to be with me? I mean… Just look at me!" Jim cried helplessly, gesturing to his taller and more muscular armored frame, to his horns, and fangs, and blue stone skin. "I'm… I'm a monster!"

"No," Claire told him, tears running down her cheeks. "You'll never be that. Not to me. No matter what, when I look at you, all I see is the man I love."

"Claire…" Jim whispered, tearing up himself.

Gently, he put his arms around her. Staring at each other with nothing but love in their eyes, they leaned towards each other, lips parting…

And then Claire's eyes shot open, and she recoiled. "Claire?" Jim asked in surprise, naked hurt plastered across his inhuman (but still quite handsome) features.

"Jim," Claire whispered, a terrified look on her face. "Are we… Are we the protagonists of a cheesy young adult supernatural romance?"

Jim's eyes widened as a look of horrified realization crossed his face.

…

"No, no, no! The answer is clearly "Barbecue!" I'm not even from this planet, and even I know that! What sort of paltry excuse for an educational system do they have here?!" The mighty Varvatos Vex demanded, barely holding himself back from hurling the remote control at the TV screen. "Were Varvatos Vex on that game show, Varvatos would grant those pitiful flesh-things a glorious death! It's the most merciful thing they could hope for!"

Suddenly, from off in the distance, a howl could be heard. A howl of purest anguish and despair, the sound of a man who had been driven to the brink of madness as his world was torn down before his eyes, all of his dreams and hopes for the future irrevocably dashed by a cold, uncaring universe as he was confronted by a horror beyond his imagining.

Varvatos Vex recognized this howl instantly, for Varvatos Vex had been the cause of many in his day. "What? Varvatos Vex is the only one allowed to be the cause of such unimaginable torment! Whoever is hoarding in on Varvatos Vex's specialty shall be granted a glorious death!"

The royal siblings in his charge poked their heads out of their rooms, annoyed looks on their faces. "Varvatos, can you please cut it out with the "glorious death" bit already? It is getting, as the humans say, 'aged,'" the elder sibling, Aja complained.

"I do not think that is what they are saying," her younger brother, Krel, said doubtfully.

"It is past your proscribed time of slumber! Go to sleep, or Varvatos shall grant you a glorious death!" Varvatos bellowed. The king and queen-in-waiting sighed in exasperation and closed the doors to their rooms.

"I'm sorry, but the answer is 'barbecue,'" the host on the game show Varvatos was watching told the foolish contestant in apology.

Varvatos bellowed in fury and threw his remote control at the TV, breaking it.


	3. Toby and Darci

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.

…

"Oh, TP," Darci murmured sensually, gazing at her much shorter and more rotund boyfriend with bedroom eyes.

"Oh, my magnificent molish temptress," Toby replied dreamily, a soft smile on his face.

The two of them leaned towards each other to kiss…

And Darci hesitated. "Uh, Toby, you're human, right?"

"Huh? Yeah, 100%, so far as I know. Why?" Toby asked in confusion.

"So… You're not secretly some sort of supernatural creature or anything?" Darci pressed.

"No. Why, are you?" Toby questioned.

She shook her head. "No, I'm completely human, too. Pretty sure."

"Is… That a problem?" Toby asked, perplexed.

"No, no! It's just… You know, kind of a fan of teen supernatural romance…" Darci muttered awkwardly.

"Is this a deal-breaker?" Toby asked in concern. "Because, you know, I could see if Merlin would be willing to whip up another transformation potion-"

"No, no!" Darci was quick to assure him, grabbing his hands. "I love you for _you_ , Toby-pie! I'm just… I guess I'm just a little envious of Claire, is all. Girl has a hot inhuman boyfriend _and_ is a bad ass sorceress."

"Yeah, but if you asked them, I'm sure they'd tell you the cost of being like that is more than they ever wanted," Toby pointed out. "Honestly? I'm happy the way I am. Well, I suppose I could stand to be the taller. And skinnier. And finally get these braces out-"

Darci silenced him with a kiss. "You're perfect just the way you are," she promised him.

"Even with braces?"

"Even with braces."

Toby grinned. "Heh. Let Jim and Dr. L have the supernatural romance and all the baggage that comes with it. Because this, right here? It's fine,just the way it is."

And then they made out, until Darci's father got home and tried to arrest Toby for "sexually assaulting" his daughter.


End file.
